Changes

I haven't written in a while... but I'm still alive! I'm still doing good on the diet - officially 40.5 lbs. down as of today. I had to go bra shopping because my boobs are shrinking! Just where every woman wants to lose their weight!

However, I'm getting a little bored of the food choices. I've been surfing the web a lot lately looking for good low calorie recipes that use a lot of veggies. I'm getting excited to experiment with new veggies that my family has never tried before. We have a farmer's market close by and I have to admit that I've never been to it. Well, that is going to change! In just a few weeks, I'll be back to regular food and I'm determined to eat healthy and pass this on to the rest of my family. Heck, they need to eat healthy too!

Some of the obstacles that have been in the way that I've managed to overcome: a bachelorette party, baby shower, birthday party for my daughter, having pizza in the house, mom's baked from scratch chocolate chip cookies and a couple of camping trips.

A few things that I need to improve on: more exercise, not giving in to tempting tastes and getting more calcium.

I'm going to keep plugging away. I'm thisclose to my first goal which is 250 lbs. My next goal after that is to be 234 which would put me in the "obese" category for my BMI. At that weight, I won't be "morbidly obese" anymore. It just seems weird that I want to be obese. But that is a good goal to shoot for and I'm going to get there!

Cruise Control

It's been a while since I last posted, but I'm now down 30 lbs. in 6 weeks. What a great feeling! I lost 7 lbs. since my last weigh in and almost can't believe it!

Can we talk about temptation? I baked a double layer, triple chocolate cake for my husband's birthday last week. It was also my daughter's birthday at the end of April and another cake. Mother's Day was also a temptation. I spent last weekend at my mother's and the good: I worked in the yard (hard labor type stuff) for two hours. The bad: she took the family out to Pizza Hut for dinner! Did I mention that pizza is one of my weaknesses? But I did good and kept my fingers off the cake and pizza.

At my latest weekly meeting, I was chatting with a fellow weight loss patient about our temptations. She said she wouldn't have been as strong as I was with the cake and pizza. That made me feel good.

There were a couple of days last week when I was just famished. I thought I'd be past the hungry phase, but not so. Luckily, most days I have to cram in the rest of my calories in the evening because I haven't eaten enough for the day. I'm thinking the hunger may have been because of TOM.

I've been noticing my rings are looser and my dress pants are nearly falling off of me. However, my jeans (which have some stretch in them) are not loose on me yet. Even though I've lost 10% of my weight, I can't help having that overwhelming feeling that I have so far to go.

How has my exercise been? Well...last week not so good. Which is why I'm puzzled as to how I lost so much weight. But I'm back on the bandwagon this week and got in a nice hour workout at the Y tonight with 30 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes of strength training. I'm blessed that my daughter Emma likes to go with me and enthusiastically pushes me to get out the door and get 'er done!

I'm going to say something nice about my husband. During our camping weekend a couple of weeks ago, I was helping the kids put together some hobo pies when my girlfriend asked me to make one for her too. My hubby jumped to my defense and said "don't make the woman who can't even eat one make one for you - make your own!" **smiles**

Recently, I was looking through some old pictures from last summer of my brother's wedding. I don't usually like to be in pictures, but this was a wedding after all. Good Lord - I look so incredibly fat in those pictures! Those pictures of me are a good chronicle of how heavy I had become. I dare say the heaviest I've ever been. They are good pictures of the "before" and I'm determined to have a very different "after" picture.

This week is the half way point for me on this program. I feel like I'm on cruise control. I hope it continues to be this easy.

I did that?

I went in for my week 4 weigh in and have lost another 5.3 lbs. I'm down 20.3 lbs in 4 weeks. It's hard for me to wrap my head around this!

This has not been without struggles. This past week, I was very hungry and one night I cooked some porkchops for the family (note: I haven't cooked since going on this diet) and it smelled so good that I cheated and had a small bite of a porkchop. I also had fat free creamer in my coffee 2x on the weekend. These are definitely not on my plan. I was thinking I would be lucky to lose 1 lb. but just over 5?! Wow.

A couple of days ago, a friend asked my husband and I over for dinner. THEY had ribs, coleslaw and biscuits. I brought my program food to eat and they felt so bad for me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable eating in front of me. I just want to get on with life. The next day, I got an email from my friend thanking us for coming to dinner and said after we left, her husband told her that he was just amazed at my willpower. She gave me kudos and told me what an inspiration I am to her. Me - an inspiration? It was a nice boost.

I'm still trying to figure out a way to have a healthy relationship with food. It seems like I think about food all the time. I saw a KFC commercial the other night and was practically drooling over their new chicken sandwich without a bun. The perfect sandwich for me! 2 fried chicken breasts with bacon, cheese, lettuce and tomato sandwiched in between. I've never really been a bread person and typically peel most of the bun off my sandwiches. I know deep down that I can never have this sandwich, even when I'm off the plan. I'm one of those people who you give an inch and I want to eat the whole mile.

So anyway, we are going camping this weekend. It's supposed to be fairly decent - in the 70's and only a chance of rain Friday night after midnight. We are excited to get more camping in because we just bought a new camper last fall. We went from a 1982 popup to a 2005 hybrid camper with a bathroom! Gotta love the potty in the camper!

It's also my daughter's 16th birthday tomorrow and I am taking her to the Secretary of State office in the morning to get her driver's license. Yes, she gets to skip a bit of school. Hey - it's her birthday! I'm a bit nervous turning over the keys to the car and trusting her to do ok, but she really is a fairly good driver. Not so good at directions, but she does a decent job driving.

Well, it's off to bed and on to another day.

Things are Rollin'

I know I haven't posted in a while, but things are going pretty good. I lost 4 lbs. for my week 2 weigh in and I just weighed in again tonight and lost 3 more. That's 15 lbs. in 3 weeks. Not too shabby.

The food is tolerable. I'm experimenting with different flavors of things and have decided that I like most of what is available. It's amazing what you can do with a packet of powder! And it keeps me fairly full. Some days I can go all afternoon without eating and then realize at the end of the day that I've only eaten 600 calories. Luckily, that is easily remedied with a chocolate peanut butter bar and a beef stick.

The weekly meetings are very informative. Last week's meeting was about learning a new type of exercise - tai chi. This week's meeting was about the 5 steps of grief and how we can relate them to grieving our previous way of eating.

My husband continues to cook dinners for the kids and I conveniently make myself scarce. He says because of my diet, he is eating less now too. My 14 year old daughter who is slightly overweight is also starting to count her calories and frequently accompanies me to the gym. I had no idea this would be such a big impact on my family!

Speaking of the gym, I've been working out 3 times a week. Mostly riding the recumbent bike and using the weight machines. Last Saturday, I brought home a pickup truckload of mulch for the gardens and spent the afternoon shoveling mulch from the driveway into wheelbarrows and then into the garden. Talk about a good workout! I felt that in my back and legs the next day!

I'm starting to notice a difference in how my clothes fit me. My size 26 jeans (which were actually getting tight *YIKES*) are now fitting me comfortably. I have a pair of underwear in the bottom of my drawer that are a size too small for me, but I keep as a backup pair. They would always roll down my gut because they were so tight, but I tried them on and they fit fine now! Some of my friends are telling me they can see a difference in me too.

So, I will continue on the straight and narrow. This plan is becoming very easy. I don't even have to really think about what I'm eating. My fear is what life will be like when I have to go back to regular food. Knowing my past, maintaining my weight loss will be my biggest challenge.

Here we go!

It's been nearly a week on the VLCD. The first day was really rough. I was hungry pretty much the whole day and by the time I came home from work, I had a bad headache. The second day wasn't as bad, but still had a nagging ache in my head.

Planning my meals isn't hard to do, since I have a good template for what I should be eating when. Breakfast is a packet of powder that when mixed with water and cooked in a small frying pan, can be either an omelet or scrambled eggs. It isn't horrible, but does taste...well...powdered! Mid morning snack is a protein drink of some kind. There are several to choose from. I've tried hot cocoa, strawberry smoothie, choc. shake, and a lemon raspberry flavored drink. I liked them all. Lunch is vegetarian chicken fajita soup. Mid afternoon snack is again, some type of protein drink and dinner is a little microwave meal. I even get an after dinner snack - a caramel chocolate protein bar or one that tastes (kind of) like strawberry cheesecake. I have a sweet tooth at night so that works out good.

I've been pretty good about staying between 800 and 900 calories. I haven't gone over so far. Also have to drink 64 oz of water each day. That can sometimes be a struggle, but I've done good this week and got them all in. I'm trying to experiment with different snacks and discovered I didn't like the pretzels or the so-called "cookies". Also, there are a couple of different options for breakfast instead of the "omelet". There are little bags of cereal which taste almost like Cheerios. I can have that with 1/2 cup of skim milk and it's pretty good.

There have been plenty of temptations! Especially this past couple of days. I cooked Easter dinner for my extended family last night and we had Honeybaked ham, vegetable risotto, rolls and my sister-in-law brought over a yummy (or smelled that way anyway!) broccoli slaw salad. My mom brought pies and I had bowls of Hershey kisses all over the house. I was a good girl and didn't eat a bite.

Today, we took my mother-in-law out to Olive Garden. Everything on their menu is soooo gooood! I didn't even look at a menu. I brought my little microwave meal and the waiter was nice enough to microwave it for me! After I put it on a fancy plate, it almost looked as good as the stuff everyone else was getting!

My husband has been really good. He did the grocery shopping for the week and made dinners most of the nights. I'm proud of him and grateful that he is stepping up and helping me avoid temptation.

I've been getting some exercise too. Went to the YMCA twice this week and did 1/2 hour on the bike which turns out to be 5 miles, and did 1/2 hour on the weight equipment. My hubby took me on an hour bike ride through our little town today. On the way back home, it was all uphill - and it about killed me, but I made it! I'm committed to continue the exercise and just keep reminding myself that it will eventually get easier.

One bump in the road: I saw a podiatrist about my plantar fasciitis and he showed me the x-rays of my feet. Not pretty. I have two bone spurs on both of my heels. He told me I can't go for walks anymore. I need to stick to bike riding, swimming or the elliptical for cardio. It's a hurdle, but one I can manage.

The diet works. I've been weighing myself on my crappy scale at home and so far, I've lost 6 lbs. We'll see if that's accurate after tomorrow's weigh in at the clinic. To be honest, I'm not hungry all the time anymore and I have more energy. I get up in the morning and I don't feel like a slug. And, of all miracles, I'm not cranky. Definitely a plus for my family!

I hope the next coming weeks are as easy or easier. I'm looking forward to falling into a routine and eventually not thinking about food all the time. I'm going to make this work one way or another.

The Countdown Has Begun!

Today was my appointment with Dr. White at Grand Health Partners for a physical and EKG. The meeting went very well and she answered all my questions. She wants me to get labs done again - bummer! I guess my last labs didn't include everything she needed. This seems to be a very thorough program!

One thing I learned is that I have plantar fasciitis in my right foot and I will probably need to see a podiatrist. Dr. White says it is extremely important to fix any problems I might have that will hinder my ability to exercise. I have still been walking, but especially after last Tuesday night's walk, I could barely use my right foot. Dr. White gave me some referrals that I will follow up on.

Finally - a date to start! I have an appointment on Monday to get the actual VLCD program started. I will meet with the nutritionist and behaviorist. When I go home, I'll have the food and everything needed to get started.

Unfortunately, I must admit I've been pigging out. These last few days before the diet, I've been trying to savor everything. I've had Chinese food, Mexican (my favorite!) and Girl Scout cookies! According to my weigh-in this morning, I've gained a couple of pounds despite my twice weekly walks. Seems a little counterintuitive to put on weight before a diet, but I don't want to deprive myself before I have to!

Something I don't think I've mentioned before is that my girlfriend called me up last week and told me about some free diet food she saw on craigslist. I ended up getting a bag of sample food that is actually for my diet! I've been cautiously testing them to see what I like and don't like so I don't waste my money on stuff in the store. This morning, I tried the apple and cinnamon oatmeal (pitiful serving!) and decided this flavor is definitely not for me. The little freeze dried apple bits kept getting stuck in my teeth! But some of the other stuff was ok, like the protein bar and chocolate shake. There are a few more things to try, like spaghetti and meatballs and vegetarian fajita.

I'm so glad this diet allows me to eat somewhat regular food. During my research online, I've found some people on the VLCD only get shakes and bars. That would be a very boring (but convenient) diet. I've found a couple of blogs to follow: "The Skinny on VLCD's" on blogger.com and "Tricia's Blog" at deanrefreshyou.com. It seems these ladies are going through what I'm ready to do, and I need all the inspiration I can find!

Reflections of Frustration

I love to read the blogs where girlfriends and wives are being supported by their significant others. What a wonderful thing. They exercise together, eat healthy together, cheer each other on.

That is definitely not the case with ole' Chrissy Poo. You would think that my husband of 16 years would want to have a thinner wife. After all, I was in a size 12 when I started dating him. But he really doesn't take an active roll in the support category.

After a very sedentary winter, I'm trying to get more active and have decided to go for a long walk with my girlfriend on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yesterday when I was leaving, my husband said "Oh, you're going to walk your miles?" I said "Yes, two miles." He said "Is that all?" I could just punch him sometimes. When I got back from the walk, he was putting up the basketball hoop for the kids and I asked him if he could get the bikes out of storage because my girlfriend and I would like to go for a bike ride. He said he couldn't because he didn't have anywhere in the garage to put them.

That's definitely not support. Now granted, I've been on a weight loss rollercoaster for a long time. He's seen me on many diet kicks and resulting mood swings. But you would think that someone who you love would be more supportive than knowing you are watching what you eat, then bringing home a pizza. Sheer torture!

Is he trying to sabotage me? Does he think I'm going to get thin and attract other men's attention?

Tomorrow is my doc's appointment at Grand Health Partners. I'm very apprehensive. That will be the beginning of my new weight loss journey with a VLCD. I will be giving up food as I know it. Hopefully I will be successful with weight loss and not letting my DH's comments/actions get to me. If he wants to go out to eat, I'll stay home. If he wants to go to the bar and have a few drinks, I'll stay home or go to my friend's house.

This is going to be a tough 3 months.

Just a quick note

I am so proud of my daughter Rachael. She is number one in her class and made the winning 3 point shot in JV basketball against a tough rival.

I'm actually proud of all 3 of my daughters. My oldest, Jessica is a Freshman at Western Michigan University where she is studying theater. She just got a summer job at Cedar Point. How fun! She didn't want to be a ride operator, so she'll be working in a 50's diner as a waitress.

And my youngest, Emma is doing well in school. She's a huge reader and would rather spend time reading than watching TV. Gotta love that. She is also active outside and loves her friends! She has many close friends that spend a lot of time over at the house. We had 6 girls over all weekend! I don't mind at all, except they eat everything in the house!

Now on to me...I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment which is this Thursday to get a physical and EKG and hopefully be approved for a VLCD through Grand Health Partners. I will be giving up food as I know it and will be down to 800 - 900 calories per day for 12 weeks. That will be tough, but I've heard people lose quite a bit of weight on it and I'm determined to lose quite a bit of weight! Going through the BBQ months will be tough. I'll be limited to pre-packaged foods and shakes that are high in protein. There's no going off plan. No tastes or nibbles. I've got to be firm. Hopefully my hubby doesn't make things too much of a temptation for me.

Wish me luck!

Back in the Land of the Living

I know it's been a while since I last posted. I fell ill with a double ear infection. The doctor told me I had a strep infection in my ears. Have you ever heard of such a thing?! I was completely out of it for three straight days.

The week I was sick, my dog woke me up at 4 in the morning wanting to go outside. I kept telling her to lay back down, but she kept pestering me until I took her downstairs to get let out. When I got to the main floor, a queer chemical smell overpowered me. I woke my husband to check it out. He thought it smelled like a battery burning up. We checked every outlet and battery operated device and couldn't find the source of the odor. I was freaking out thinking my house was going to burn up! Thank God my dog alerted me to it. After being awake for 2 hours, I started to get ready for work. What else could I do? The kids went to school and my husband and I went to work.

On the way home from work, I stopped at the township fire department and asked if a guy could come to my house and check it out. A firefighter showed up with special goggles that have infrared or heat-seeking capabilities that can see right through your walls and he couldn't find anything. Well, at least I felt better knowing I didn't have bad wiring in my walls ready to go! It wasn't until later that night when my daughter went to get some ice cream, and her spoon went right to the bottom of the ice cream container! My electrician husband checked it out and found a relay thingy majig that was black and buring up. After checking to see if we could simply replace that part (fridge was only 7 years old and in otherwise fine shape) we were told that if this part was bad, the compressor is bad. Great. I got to spend $1000 on a new fridge. Of couse my kitchen has all bisque (off-white) appliances and guess what they're not making much of anymore?! Bisque is a special order. Luckily, it's winter in Michigan and I have an attached garage, which is where I had to keep the contents of my fridge until we could get a new one delivered.

This past Saturday we finally got our new fridge and after hooking up the water supply for the in-door water/ice feature, find that the water dribbles terrible. There is something wrong with the valve. We get to have a repair guy show up to fix it! Hopefully all turns out well.

On another note, I found out I've been approved through my insurance for a six month medical weight loss program. I went to a seminar tonight to learn more. My first doctor's appointment is on March 25th. I'm going to try the VLCD, otherwise known as the Very Low Calorie Diet. I will be restricted to 800 - 900 calories/day. I will have to give up most foods and stick to high protein shakes, cereal and prepackaged meals for 12 weeks. I've heard people have lost 50 + lbs on this diet. I hope I'll be able to stick to it. I really need to succeed. I need to make a change.

Starting Fresh

Well, I'm trying my hand at blogging. Hopefully this will help me keep track of my emotions and thoughts. For anyone out there reading this, it will probably bore you to death.

My main purpose of blogging is to help with my weight loss. I have been visiting the OH website and there are a lot of great women that are in the same boat as me. Some have blogs and I started a profile on that website also. But I felt the need to have my own personal blog to reflect back on my days - good and bad.

Maybe this will help me and maybe others who choose to read this, in our weight loss journey.